FUCKING CHILDREN !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I am not on about what goes on at the local catholic school here, I am referring to the continued torture of raising my own. The Fucking second my son turns what ever age, probably 13 these days and brings a girl home, I am going to wait for the exact moment he's about to put it in, and scream ' DADDY, DADDY, DADDY ' until he runs into my room, Then I am going to shit myself throw up and wipe it everywhere and just sit and smile like a fucking saint. In fact fuck that I am going to fake dementia so the little twat has to wipe my arse for a few years. There are no set rules to raising children half the time you look at them and think, oh my god my little angel I love you, the other half you think go play on the fucking motorway.


While I have your attention I would like to approach a little subject, Super nanny That fat fuck Joe Frost I think, Super nanny my tits more like SUPER CUNT !!!, she doesn't even have fucking kids. Why are people taking her advice ??? I watched her the other day giving diet advice, are you fucking kidding me shes fucking huge, and don't even get me fucking started on the naughty step, that has originated from some fucked up S&M shit she is into. She has no fucking kids that's like me giving out nuclear rocket advice. I had a health visitor come out once to talk about my two year old, she suggested putting him on reigns to stop him running off, I said 'you mean a lead like a fucking dog', this continued to when i said 'how many children do you have', She replied ' Oh i don't have children' I politely quoted ; GET THE FUCK OUT MY HOUSE !!!


With political correctness gone mad you can't smack your kids now, well in fact you can't even sing ' Bar bar black sheep' to them, fuck me sheep with equal rights, it's probably those fucking sheep that stopped me collecting all my tokens from the marmalade jars.

Mcdonalds Staff

Hello my people, sorry for the lack of blogging but I use this as a venting process not to entertain, also apologies for lack of imagination in the title but there are far to many offensive words. I have been around warrington town centre all weekend, sat at cafe Nero spectating on the weird and wonderful people around. However After watching super size me where a guy nearly dies, I don't touch that shite,  but I have a two year old and to avoid screaming, I would let him have fucking heroin.

As I approach the counter and observe well I don't know how to explain it, these people cover all elements of my blogging, cavemen would have made these people look  normal. Shall we start with the bus ( fat cunt ) maybe 20 - 21 complete with Moustache and starter kit fluffy beard don't want her cooking my burger, then there is the melon head 30 year old bloke dressed like a 15 year old shouting '' bwig mwac '' he's off my list, Then there is about 5 or 6 young lads tickling each other and running around with fucking ADHD, last but not least the Asian student that finally served me, Life is fucking wank when your last resort is a student. In my time on this planet I am yet to meet a student complete with both brains and common sense.

Pyjama Rama

MMMMMMM right this is a strange one ??? First of all i thought i was going mad but girls are actually going out in their pyjama's. Now i mean what they go to bed in, shorts that short and loose if they sit down you can see what they have had for dinner. Now there are rules I have learnt to being able to wear your bed clothes on a Friday night in town,

1. You must have a tramp stamp, Tattoo at the bottom of your back.
2. Have at least one child you have left with a complete stranger so you can get pissed. Extra points if you have two children and quadrupole points if they are different colours.
3. Bleach blond/white hair with black line down the centre like a fucking skunk.
4. Enough make-up to make Jordan look like she's natural.
5. To maintain figure a steady diet of blue wkd and cocaine.
6. Finally NO and I mean NO education what so ever.


Please take this handy list out with you tonight on the town, tick all boxes on the list, spot the PJ's and your in, half a gram of coke and two blue wkd's and she will be sniffing duvet by midnight.

Lost Fucking right i'm Lost.

FUCKING RIGHT anyone who is considering watching Lost all 6 seasons in 7 days, like I have just done, DON'T, I have just wasted 94 FUCKING HOURS !!! of what i thought was great until the ending, it makes no fucking sense what so ever. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME, 94 hours just to put some perspective on that, that is 5460 wanks, now that would have been a week and a half.

While I have your attention I am sat listening to my missus friend, I shit you not, she is shagging a bloke that looks like gollum, her nans black and she dyes her hair ginger, have that.

Statutory Rape Season

Right bear with me guys the title sounds a little bit illegal. The title references my beautiful day in Warrington town centre, where I have had the opportunity to view innocence fly out the fucking window. What has happened to young girls with bows in their hair, shopping with daddy for a new pink bike ? I have the answer my adoring audience, they are in town dressed like a Jordan fan club getting shagged up the arse, by 18 plus year olds in the back of vaxuall corsa's. Yes we all sit by not giving a shit, that these open air paedophiles parade their school girl girl friends in front of us. What has society come to when I have to say 'oi you in the rigger boots she's 13'. Yes grown men shagging young girls, not in underground clubs or part of some elaborate ring in public !!!!!.


So the title refers to the unlucky ones amongst us, who go out for a lovely night on the town, think shes nice ' fancy a drink', 'how old are you ?' '18' Brilliant, NO, not brilliant you need to carry some form of GCSE paper with you these days to fucking examine them before you shag em. Most schools have creche's now for a reason, because as soon as they learn it's  not for pissing out of they have a cock in it. Right back to yours your thinking fucking brilliant, 18 woohooo, until daddy has the old bill round the next day, As instead of admitting his little girl loves cock, it has to be rape. and your on the front page of the guardian. What do these parents think when they let them out the house in the morning dressed like that, I have always said I am lucky to have two little boys only two cocks to worry about.

Kids With Tits ( Fat Ones )

Now be patient this is not a reference to my upcoming article sluts in uniform, This is in reference to the biggest form of child abuse fat kids. Now we are not on about the fat kids when i was at school the big boned variety, the ones you take one for team at the school disco while you best mate fingers the school hotty. I am talking about these fucking huge huge huge kids like 4 fucking normal sized kids in one, their fucking everywhere, Normally accompanied by a bus ( you will get used to my references with time ). I was in my local asda the other day and i came across a boy not literally, he must have been 8 - 9 years old with the biggest tits I've seen outside of porn, When i hear 'Mummy can i have a pot noodle' she replied 'yes baby'. STOP THERE 'yes baby' that is not a fucking baby if they made babies that big you would need a vagina like a fucking car boot, stop feeding your kid shite !! you are killing him. Do these feeders realise how hard secondary school is if you have the wrong shoes let alone tits that where that big i got a semi. I understand the only positive to having a child that big is it means he will never get madaline mcanned you couldn't fucking hide him let alone drug him and bury him and you couldn't fit his picture on a milk carton.


Now for the solution this is very simple maybe expensive at first but I have done my research and I will be pitching Tony Blair or whoever fucks this country up the arse at the moment. Ready Bio Metric Scanner Tool, as you approach the counter at MacDonald's, burger king or wherever you are scanned for example, A 13 stone 5 foot 8 bloke like me would pay £1.99 for a big mac, But when fat tits turns up 4 foot 6 and 22 stone fucking times it by 100, there would be some kind of scale of price I have it all detailed in my plans but how many big macs can big tits eat at £199 each there would be allot off fat people losing there houses. This would be continued throughout the food industry see those pie charts green and red at sainsurys say goodbye to red food big tits fucking salad for you. Now there is a solution this would be a revolution I mean how happy can these kids be.


 A friend of mine told me she has an under active thyroid FUCK OFF lazy twat, do you go to the gym what was that you have bad knees too who is your doctor the fucking ice cream man. Every time I have these discussions and I have them regular with Buses It's always in a pub where they are sat scoffing pork scratchings or at a coffee shop with there double caramel latte, they can't even have a fucking cup of tea it has to be a double this, extra that and i am not even going to get started on the all you can eat Chinese, The chinks must think fuck it we've lost on this one when a bus walks in. It is simple I may not be able to cure cancer or help African kids eat but I know the solution for Buses don't eat as much and go to the gym sorry what did you say genius mental Ben its that easy, YES the gym its an amazing place full of recovering fatty's there is a woman at my gym on the mend now talking to her the other day 5 stone in 6 month legend. Anyway any fat fucks offended by this article it's because I am right.

Will be back tomorrow guys thanks for viewing look forward to your comments.

Am I redundant ???

I have only just blogged but the promise of a quick shag distracted me understandably, for those with children will understand that when you have infant children getting a quickie is like a lottery win. However Am I Redundant is the question ?? my missus has a sex cupboard not a draw like normal people but a fucking great big cupboard a place you normally store clothes, a cupboard that would worry Jenna Jameson if everything turned itself on at once it would be like china jumping in sync. We have dildos that make donkey's blush, stimulants that would tingle crocodile skin , creams, rubs, paints and all sorts of ropes and vibrating shit we even have a travel package. Now me personally I prefer the old catch em fuck till they cant walk but this is the 21st century and they have rights now and even worse ideas, you mention a 3 some and your fucking dead but they want all sorts hanging out your arse.


So I am blogging away happy I have had 16 views in 2 days I think that's good considering I have just re-read Ginger Efforts and realised it is quite offensive, when she turns and says ' fancy a quickie ' now i consider most of my bedroom work to be quick so god knows what she expects under a minute ???. So laptop down here we go, As she stops and says ' Pass me the orgasm cream and the bullet' now at this point I have to wonder do i need to be here am I just an extra ? as a tester i stopped at the 30 second mark thinking maybe I might go get some icecream have a fagand then pop back up 10 mins later break all my shagging records but she noticed, So i suppose i played some form of like supporting actor role, Like the cherry's on a black forest gateux, not needed 100% but you would notice if there wasnt any.

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